From a young age, many of us learned that pleasing others (or being a “people pleaser”) is rewarded with love and acceptance. Maybe you were praised for being helpful or compliant, or maybe you witnessed the consequences of asserting your needs. Over time, this pattern becomes a default way of interacting to ensure you feel a sense of belonging. While this might temporarily soothe our fears of rejection or criticism, it often comes at a cost to our own well-being. Taking time for others without doing the same for us can leave us feeling depleted, resentful, and disconnected from our true wants and needs.
If you’re reading this, you’re not alone. Many of us have walked – or are walking – this path of recovering from people pleasing, and while it might feel hard at times, the journey toward reclaiming your own self-worth and autonomy is worth every step.
Tips to recover from being a people pleaser
- Reflect on your people-pleasing tendencies or journal about your thoughts, emotions, and patterns of behavior related to it. Identify triggers that lead to it – pay attention to situations or people that make you feel compelled to please at the expense of your own well-being.
- Identify areas of your life where you need to set boundaries to protect your time, energy, or emotions. Practice setting clear boundaries with others, communicating your needs and limits respectfully. Practice saying “no” to small requests that you would normally agree to out of habit. Focus on expressing your needs and opinions assertively, without apologizing or seeking validation.
- Dedicate time each day to do things that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Reach out to supportive friends, family, or a therapist (we know a good practice – try us at Here We Go) to discuss your journey. Try to surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and encourage your growth, not those who like when you’re a people pleaser.
- Reflect on your progress regularly. Celebrate the moments where you prioritized your own needs and set boundaries. This is a big deal!
Need some extra help? Therapy can provide great support and guidance – if you’re ready to explore this further, set up a free therapy consultation.
